A young man called Paul invited his mother for dinner.
During the course of the meal his mother couldn't help but notice how handsome Paul's flatmate, peter, was.
She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two and this only made her more curious.
Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Paul and his flatmate than met the eye.
Reading his mum's thoughts, Paul volunteered,
"I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, peter & I are just flatmates".
About a week later, peter came to Paul saying, "Ever since your Mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the frying pan, you don't suppose she took it do you?"
"Well I doubt it, but I'll email her just to be sure" said Paul.
So he sat down and wrote:
DEAR MOTHER,
I'M NOT SAYING THAT YOU "DID" TAKE THE FRYING PAN FROM MY HOUSE,
I'M NOT SAYING THAT YOU "DID NOT" TAKE THE FRYING PAN,
BUT THE FACT REMAINS THAT IT HAS BEEN MISSING EVER SINCE YOU WERE HERE FOR DINNER.
LOVE PAUL.
Several days later, Paul received an email from his mother which read:
DEAR SON,
I'M NOT SAYING THAT YOU "DO" SLEEP WITH PETER,
AND I'M NOT SAYING THAT YOU "DO NOT" SLEEP WITH PETER,
BUT THE FACT REMAINS THAT IF HE WAS SLEEPING IN HIS OWN BED,
HE WOULD HAVE FOUND THE FRYING PAN BY NOW.
LOVE MUM.
oddbodd
A dog goes into a telegraph office, takes one of them forms and writes, "Woof woof woof. Woof woof, woof woof. Woof woof." He hands it to the guy behind the counter, who says, "That's 9 Woofs. For the same price, you could add another one." to which the dog replies, "Why? That'd make no sense."
Carl B Harrison
oddbodd wrote:
A dog goes into a telegraph office, takes one of them forms and writes, "Woof woof woof. Woof woof, woof woof. Woof woof." He hands it to the guy behind the counter, who says, "That's 9 Woofs. For the same price, you could add another one." to which the dog replies, "Why? That'd make no sense."
LOL
Two lawyers arrive at the pub and ordered a couple of drinks. They then take sandwiches from their briefcases and began to eat.
Seeing this, the angry publican approaches them and says, 'Excuse me, but you cannot eat your own sandwiches in here!'
The two look at each other, shrug and exchange sandwiches.
Robert DeNiro's Eyes
Thanks Carl, I got bruised ribs and had to laugh, OMG it hurt!!
Carl B Harrison
A man and a woman were having dinner in a fine restaurant. Their waitress, taking another order at a table a few paces away noticed that the man was slowly sliding down his chair and under the table, with the woman acting unconcerned.
The waitress watched as the man slid all the way down his chair and out of sight under the table. Still, the woman dining across from him appeared calm and unruffled, apparently unaware that her dining companion had disappeared.
After the waitress finished taking the order, she came over to the table and said to the woman, 'Pardon me, ma' am, but I think your husband just slid under the table.'
The woman calmly looked up at her and replied firmly, 'No he didn't . He just walked in the door.'
Liz
Robert DeNiro's Eyes wrote:
Thanks Carl, I got bruised ribs and had to laugh, OMG it hurt!!
What have you done to get bruised, ribs or should'nt I ask
Carl B Harrison
Robert DeNiro's Eyes wrote:
Thanks Carl, I got bruised ribs and had to laugh, OMG it hurt!!
Sorry Mate, I was pi** and completely misunderstood what you said, I thought you were just saying you laughed so bad you hurt your ribs, Liz pointed it out to me today hope you didn't come off your bike, if you got it through jumping out of a women's bedroom window then it's your own fault
Any hoo hope your ok.
Robert DeNiro's Eyes
Carl B Harrison wrote:
Robert DeNiro's Eyes wrote:
Thanks Carl, I got bruised ribs and had to laugh, OMG it hurt!!
Sorry Mate, I was pi** and completely misunderstood what you said, I thought you were just saying you laughed so bad you hurt your ribs, Liz pointed it out to me today hope you didn't come off your bike, if you got it through jumping out of a women's bedroom window then it's your own fault
Any hoo hope your ok.
Yes my man you got it, I came off my bike.
Hit a patch of Diesel I slid down the road like a true stuntman, not hurt too bad just those bruised side ribs and £50 quid damage. Think John Conner T3 at the start to get an idea of what happened, no Bambi though..
Im ok now.
Carl B Harrison
Robert DeNiro's Eyes wrote:
Carl B Harrison wrote:
Robert DeNiro's Eyes wrote:
Thanks Carl, I got bruised ribs and had to laugh, OMG it hurt!!
Sorry Mate, I was pi** and completely misunderstood what you said, I thought you were just saying you laughed so bad you hurt your ribs, Liz pointed it out to me today hope you didn't come off your bike, if you got it through jumping out of a women's bedroom window then it's your own fault
Any hoo hope your ok.
Yes my man you got it, I came off my bike.
Hit a patch of Diesel I slid down the road like a true stuntman, not hurt too bad just those bruised side ribs and £50 quid damage. Think John Conner T3 at the start to get an idea of what happened, no Bambi though..
Im ok now.
Pleased you are ok, it could have been so much worse.
I know you hurt your ribs a few years ago so doing it again must be a right downer.
Funny Story/Joke 
A man and a woman were having dinner in a fine restaurant. Their waitress, taking another order at a table a few paces away noticed that the man was slowly sliding down his chair and under the table, with the woman acting unconcerned.
Sorry Mate, I was pi** and completely misunderstood what you said, I thought you were just saying you laughed so bad you hurt your ribs, Liz pointed it out to me today 
hope you didn't come off your bike, if you got it through jumping out of a women's bedroom window then it's your own fault 
